Are you allowing your child to grow into an adult who always quits when the going gets rough?
There will be many different circumstances in life when your child says that they aren't interested in trying something new, or maybe even want to quit after the first or second try.
As adults, we have learned through trial and error that in order to be consistently proud of ourselves, we need to actively participate in what we love on a daily basis. We know that success doesn’t happen overnight. We accept that there may be times where the road to success and achievement is painful. And as soon as we taste success, we realize that all of our long hours of hard work paid off. Everything we worked so hard for was worth it in the end.
Now, as kids, we haven’t yet developed a mindset like this. The first time we don’t like something, or if something becomes too difficult for our comfort zone, we want to quit. Kids don’t yet understand the value of challenging themselves and the reward it will bring them. They can’t conceptualize the potential of experiencing such wonderful success and fulfillment from overcoming fears and obstacles. So the first time they experience even a small amount of dissatisfaction, they want to quit because they don’t know any better.
I Was a Quitter as a Kid.
When I think back to my childhood, I realize that I was permitted to be a quitter. And boy, do I regret it now.
I attended swimming lessons and successfully learned how to swim so well that I was going to be on a local swim team. I attended lessons with my friend and both of our mothers. We excelled together. I practiced all the strokes and proper breathing, and had a passion for the sport.
There came a time when I had to learn how to dive off a very high diving board. This was way out of my comfort zone and I became extremely fearful of the water and the sport. I ended up quitting, too scared to push myself, while my friend successfully continued and competed with various swim teams for many years to follow.
I eventually learned how to properly dive off the diving board. I regretted never pursuing the swim team, and considered how differently my future could have played out if my mother had just pushed me harder. I went through bouts of times where I felt resentful towards her because I wish she had forced me to push myself when I really didn’t know any better. I consider that perhaps my life would have turned out very differently.
I was also a quitter at playing the piano. My first cousin is a piano teacher, and I always aspired to be the same. I attended lessons for seven years. After about a year of struggling, I finally quit. And so many years later, I regret it more than ever.
As parents, you don’t want to see your kids struggling and unhappy. When children start attending various extracurricular activities, they are beginning to find themselves and discover hobbies and sports that bring them joy.
When a child says they don’t like something, we may consider that this particular activity just isn’t for them. Anyway, there are so many to choose from. You may be fearful about forcing your child to do something that they have already told you they don’t want to do.
While I don’t believe that children should bargain with their parents, I do believe that compromising is a healthy part of communication. It not only helps children know that their feelings are being taken into account, but it also tells them that they are a part of the decision making.
Compromising is Key
If your child asks you what the word compromising means, you can tell them it means to give a little and take a little. When you have a child that is very strong willed about their beliefs and decision making, everything will constantly feel like a battle between the two of you. Negotiating and compromise does not make you a bad parent. For some children, it really works and makes them and you happy.
Here’s an example of how compromise may work:
Say for example your child just started swim lessons, and after two or three classes, they said they don’t want to go back. You should talk to your child about it and try to get to the root of the problem first, before you force them to attend.
If your child is truly unhappy for one reason or another, you can say, “Okay, let’s make a compromise. How about we mark the calendar for four months from today. If you still hate swim lessons, I’ll take you out, no questions asked.” When you do this, make it a point to visually mark off the agreed upon time from that date on a calendar.
It’s likely that after four months of regular lessons, your child will learn to enjoy their new activity. If, by chance, your child still absolutely hates the activity when that date on the calendar approaches, honor your promise. Take them out.
Trust Makes Compromising Work
Trust is a big part of compromising. If your child knows that there is a date in the future where they will have a say in their decision, and you hold true to your promise, that is a great thing. This will help build trust and make it more likely that your child will agree to compromises in the future. In time, they may even suggest compromises for themself with your agreement.
When you create compromises with your child, you should set some ground rules. If your child is bound to their swim lessons for the next four months, you need to make it clear that they need to try their absolute best and you will expect nothing less. It’s okay to push them to be their best. It’s important to teach them the value of hard work and pushing past obstacles from a young age.
If your child is struggling right now with online learning, they aren't alone. We don't want your child to be a quitter. Sign up for a free class and assessment today. Let us help you mold your kids into the best versions of themselves. We know your child can develop discipline, grit, the will to learn new things, and evolve into an adult that never fears failure.
-The Genie Academy Team
